What is the social norm, regarding funerals for family members who aren’t your direct family?
Sorry if this is a tacky question, but i’m just wondering.
Our family has been really close, as far as always visiting aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
I am sure i would be expected to attend all of their funerals, even if it means taking off work.
But would the boss be tolerant of taking off half a day (or even longer if they live in another state) just to attend an aunt or uncle or cousin’s funeral? I have a feeling i would get “demerits” for that.
Best answer:
Answer by Tamara
You can tell the boss the funeral is for a family member whom you were close with. They should allow you to attend. If they give you “demerits” for this, then go to Human Resources because they are not allowed to site you for attending a funeral.
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Why do you have to tell the boss the relationship of the family member- just say a close family member died….
If it jeapardizes your job by going, why would you go (it’s understandable to go if it’s your Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother or niece/nephew)? That’s sucky, but that’s how it is…everyone would be taking time off work for every freaking distant cousin, etc. and nothing would get done. i can understand the employer’s point of view on this, esp. if it’s a small business.
Something tells me that your family is one that would guilt you if you didn’t attend no matter what the reason and that is extremely dysfunctional. There are plenty of ways to express your sincere sympathy (you are a distant relative, not a next of kin), such as long and meaningful phone calls to several family members, letters, sending flowers, a generous donation. If you are in a situation where your family wouldn’t understand how attending might put your job at risk and acted out (the silent treatment, guilting, etc.) then you need to realize your family is overly enmeshed and dysfunctional. That’s a rotten way to treat someone when they can’t help it….
I see some over enmeshed Mother or father gave the answer a thumbs down- probably can’t stand the fact that Mom and dad shouldn’t be so controlling and guilting of their own grown and independent children. Let the grown adults live their lives the way they see fit Mom and dad- not the way you want it to be….
I would hope that employers would be understanding when you need to attend the funeral for close family.
Sorry if this is tacky, but hopefully they don’t all croak the same year. That could be tricky.
Actually, your human resources policy guide probably spells it out very clearly. Companies generally allow a specified amount of time off depending on the nature of your relationship to the person who died. They have to be specific about it because everyone has relatives… Aunts and cousins generally aren’t covered, so you wouldn’t get “official” time off.
If I were in your situation I’d ask to take a half day of vacation when something like this occurs. Your boss may give it to you, or he or she may not, but at least you get the time to go the the funeral.